the uncomfortable truths about counselling

Counselling is not typically seen as or associated with being an enjoyable experience. In reality, Counselling can be an emotionally draining experience which can be extremely challenging. However, once you manage to confront the discomfort, you open yourself up to a transformative process which will potentially lead you on a journey of self-discovery and growth.

1.       Opening Old wounds

Existential psychiatrist Irvin Yalom speaks a lot about the mentality of ‘Don’t scratch where it doesn’t itch’ but the reality is that if we want to increase our self-awareness then we need scratch and explore areas in our life which we’ve been avoiding. One of the main reasons people avoid counselling is the opinion that they don’t want to open old wounds from historical trauma, loss or general emotional pain. We need to understand that we must process the emotions around any historical pain for the healing to commence. We also need to understand that we must deal with our old wounds because if they are left unattended too then they are likely to manifest in maladaptive ways which could negatively impact our relationships, sense of self and our general well-being. Counselling is a perfect platform for an individual to explore these old wounds with a qualified therapist and assess how they effect their everyday lives with the aim of moving forward and gaining a sense of closure.

2.       Vulnerability & Exposure

Hands up anyone who doesn’t feel uncomfortable with feeling exposed and vulnerable! We spend all of our time protecting ourselves from the outside world seeing our vulnerabilities. We do this as some of our biggest fears are that of judgement and rejection. We also convince ourselves that if we were to experience these then it would lead to feelings of guilt, embarrassment, and shame. Through counselling it becomes possible to embrace the vulnerability as this becomes a powerful ally to accompany us to acceptance, accountability, and self-understanding. It is also extremely important to highlight that by seeking qualified support from a trained counsellor you will be invited into a completely non-judgemental environment and welcomed with empathy. It is this environment that plays a huge part in providing a sense of validation and freedom.

“Counselling is like a condom, it’s uncomfortable and not much fun but it’s there to protect you when it gets hard!!”

3.       Confronting our Unpleasant Truths

Undoubtedly one of the first milestones of effective therapy is accountability. Within counselling, you will work with your counsellor to confront the unpleasant truths about our life with the aim of increasing self-awareness which leads to personal growth. Honesty within the counselling process is fundamental which often leaves individuals feeling cautious about engaging in therapy. We need to understand though that this honesty helps us to acknowledge and accept our maladaptive behaviours and take the necessary action to rectify these.

4.       Accepting Change.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where we are led to believe that change is dangerous. We may feel encouraged to remain well within our comfort zone and just keep things the way they are as it is better the devil you know. Additionally, the idea of change can be extremely anxiety provoking which feeds into our self-destructive negative cycle. Again though, the reality is that change is a necessary prerequisite for growth and to successfully navigate through our struggles or concerns, we must embrace change. By working closely with your counsellor, you will be able explore unhealthy habits or behaviours which have been imbedded within your sense of self and then explore more healthier or appropriate behaviours which in turn will help build more positive relationships.

Counselling is certainly not seen as an easy process, at times it can also be quite unpleasant with many challenges ahead. The reality though, is that, by embracing and confronting the discomfort, we begin a journey of self-discovery and healing which will result in a greater sense of autonomy and freedom. Additionally,  by becoming a better and more authentic version of our true self then we will undoubtedly end up living more fulfilling lives with much stronger and more meaningful connections.